Welcome to The Nude Goose, website of writer Michelle Teacress. I am currently looking for an agent to represent my work. I mostly enjoy writing humorous picture books for children and hope to be published in the near future. In the mean time, you can find some of my half-baked stories (no illustrations) by clicking on the tabs above.

The Nude Goose © by Michelle Teacress


Honk had never seen anyplace other than the icy north, and that’s a fact.

“Skagit, Skagit, Skagit,” the flock squawked. “It’s time to go to Skagit!”

“Skagit?” said Honk.

Lump, the know it all, waddled over. “They have cows and tulips,” he said.

Cows and tulips were definitely worth the long flight south. However, there was something strange about Skagit, something odd about the locals.

Honk ventured up the street to check out the neighborhood and noticed it. There, on the porch of a Skagit County resident, was a gander. Nothing odd there - except for the hat and apron. [A lawn ornament – a goose for which people collect multiple outfits]

Perched on the gander’s head was a chef’s hat. Garnished across the front of the apron was a giant hamburger, and that’s a fact. “How appalling! Who in his right mind would wear that?” said Honk.

Later, he spotted another working in a garden – this time, in plain overalls. [A lawn ornament] “That’s not as strange as the first one,” Honk mumbled, “A goose could get used to it, I guess.”

Then he saw her – opulent orange feet, lovely lashes, stunning smile. [A lawn ornament] “Oh! The bumble bee is my favorite,” Honk sighed.

Honk was full of questions, and couldn’t sleep.

“You have something on your mind,” Lump said.

“No, no. It’s nothing.” But it was something, and that’s a fact.

Where do they get it?
                        I can’t sew like Great-Uncle Stitch.
                                    I can’t steal, like Cousin Swindle.

He had to ask.

Early the next morning, Honk tiptoed through the flock, back into the neighborhood. “Excuse me,” he asked the bumblebee. “I was wondering where you got your lovely outfit.” She was still smiling, but didn’t say a thing. “I said,” Honk squawked louder, “I want some clothes! Could you…”

The door opened wide. Out popped a woman, a baby, and a cat.

“Can I help you?” the woman said.

 “She won’t tell me where I can get some clothes,” Honk huffed.

“I know what you need,” she replied.

She left. The cat stared. The baby honked. Honk waited.

The woman returned with several colorful outfits. Honk was in goose heaven as he slipped his feathers into a plump pumpkin costume, but then… [Honk sees Lump peeking from behind the bushes and yells at him]

“No, wait!” [The woman thinks Honk is complaining about the pumpkin costume]

“You don’t like that one?” said the woman. “Let’s try another.” When she pulled out the vest and tie, Honk couldn’t help himself but…

“I can’t breathe in this thing,” he wheezed.

“Not that one either?” The woman put a finger to her chin. She studied Honk. “Maybe this is more your style.” [She holds up a frilly dress with a matching bonnet]

Quite suddenly, Honk completely changed his mind. He flapped back to the flock, as fast as his webbed feet could waddle.

“It’s getting colder,” called the woman. “You don’t want to run around naked!”

Honk wouldn’t hear it. “I already have an outfit I like most of all,” he shouted…

“…my birthday suit!” And that’s a fact.

Read another picture book by Michelle Teacress HERE.